Wednesday, May 17, 2006

 

have you called congress yet?

We have to make our voice heard if we're going to keep our access to the internet free and impartial. Go to http://www.savetheinternet.com/ , take ten minutes, and write an email asking your congressional reps to vote for net neutrality.

In related news, this is rather amusing:

Ask A Ninja: "Net Neutrality"

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

 

Ok, this is what we do first.

There's some interesting legislation in Congress concerning a little something I like to call "net neutrality". Yet another problem caused by too much toilet paper. Start here, at http://www.savetheinternet.com/. Then, go ahead and undertake some civic action through MoveOn.org here.

If you feel so inclined, let me know how it goes.

Monday, May 15, 2006

 

Unofficial Manifesto

Obviously, this is all a front for a liberal agenda. Allow me to do this in the form of a Q&A.

What do I intend to do with this? I don't know. I'll do whatever needs doing to fix the problems with the United States.

Why me? I dunno. I figured I had enough know-how and enough motivation to try it. I read about the German Apple Front, and I got inspired to make some sort of change.

What are the problems with the US? Read a blog, turn on the news for 5 minutes, read the front page of a newspaper, look around you: there are tons of problems. The government wiretapping citizens without warrants. The war in Iraq started on false pretenses. The neoconservative religious right deciding what's best for everyone else and then trying to force it through Congress. One political ideology having control of all three branches of the federal government. Rampant jingoism. Fascism in the guise of patriotism. Corrupt politicians eating out of the hands of lobbyists. And a "liberal" media that's afraid of covering any of it out of fear of getting badmouthed by those in power. That's what's wrong.


So, this really isn't about toilet paper?
Nope. Sorry. You actually believed that stuff?

How do we fix it? By sticking it to the man using the same methods that they use on us. By drawing attention away from the neocons with a message so absurd that people can't help but pay attention. I mean, come on: who's actually gonna believe that too many choices in the toilet paper aisle is the cause of the AIDS epidemic? It's absurd, and it draws people's attention away from the spin machine. And then, once we have their attention, we start using that focus to make a difference.

How do I get involved? Subscribe to the RSS feed and pay attention. Then, tell your friends. It won't be big at first, but we'll schedule some events like meetups and email discussions. Once we have a base group established, we'll try a flash mob. If all of this works, we'll take this baby out for a spin and see what we can do with it.

You sure it's not about toilet paper? I was really hoping it was... Ew. Just... Ew.

 

Official Manifesto

We, the Citizen Coalition for Standards in Bathroom Tissue (also known as the Citizen's Toilet Paper Brigade) have noticed a steady decline in this nation's morals and values when it comes to our bathroom tissue. What used to be a simple, quality product brought to us by the paper companies of this great nation has turned into a confusing mess of choices. Roll size, sheets per roll, one ply, two ply, quilted, cushioned; who needs this many choices for a simple daily task?

This confusion has lead to an astounding tailspin of American social and moral values. Gay marriage, homosexual relations, net neutrality, terrorism, domestic wiretapping, premarital sex, sexually-transmitted diseases, foul language, high gas prices, corrupt politicians, and many of the other issues that plague our great society can all be traced back to one thing: toilet paper. It's time that we made a stand.

We need to make our leaders accountable and bring America back to its former glory. We're tired of all this crap, and it's time to wipe it up. Once the bathroom tissue problem is resolved, the rest of the country will fall in line and our problems will be solved, one by one.

It's time we made a stand for what we believe in. Bookmark this site. Subscribe to our RSS feed. Stand up for clarity in toilet paper, so that we can restore America to its former glory.

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